2008…

this year has been so ridiculous. its had its high times and its lows. it began as dennis and i traveled to florida for johnnys wedding. we spent new years in hotel in north carolina.

of course there has been the engagement and all of the crap that goes along with that.

dennis and i have also dealt with a few deaths this year. first his grandfather in june, now his great grandmother just two days ago.

i hate watching him go through this, but in a few weeks, we are going to get away and be able to just exist with eachother.

i dont know. so yeah. thats 2008.

yay!

denny and i are now engaged. i am so happy but i hate planning for the wedding. it sucks big time.

angels and faith

Looking down at my life
I find the cold stare of spite
In a copse the angel sighs
I long to feel her at my side
Hope is dread, it waits for me
And through its cloak, I cannot see
In her arms, I wish to rest
But she’s slave to cold, sweet death

And she knows what’s in my heart
And she sees the falling snow
On the darkest night of life
And she sees the fires burn
Underneath the falling snow
On this darkest night of life

I trace her steps and yet I find
A search in vain to end this life
I smell the rose within her hand
Existing in the hour’s sand
Hope is dread, it waits for me
And from its grasp I long to be
She shuts her eyes, the darkness falls
And life is lost to midnight’s call

So life is…well..life lately. Mom had a ministroke, which was really scary. anyway she is home now and has to be on a low salt diet.

im going to harrisburg this weekend. im not really sure why, because we are going to a place near limerick, and it would make more sence to go from my house. he seemed really upset when i suggested that we go from my house not his..but oh well. as long as we take his car. lol. or he pays my gas.

so this guy i graduated high school with called me for a business opportunity and i turned it down..doesn’t seem like my thing.  it was strange to hear from him.

anyway. i have an alias now. oh yeah. its awesome. i’m going to start using it in public. she is like me, only…better.

and i love bella morte.

one more day…

dennis and i are leaving for disney tomorrow and i could not be happier. i am so excited to get away from everyone and everything in pa. there is so much going on in my life and its been really hectic and busy, so if you called me or something and i didnt respond, i am so sorry.

dennis’ brothers are continuing to piss me off..i used to think corby was my favorite just because i never saw him, but now that he graduated and is back home, he is surprisingly still my favorite because 1. he doesnt live with dennis, and 2. hes not a jackass. they have been bitching nonstop since well. they were born, and i am so fed up with hearing it. for an entire week, dennis and i can get away and ignore phone calls. i cant wait.

new years we are probably going to be somewhere in about north carolina. and i think its going to be the cutest thing ever. just me and him in a car for new years. hes all that matters to me right now. hes all i need.

“there is something exciting about leaving everything behind, something deep and pulling leaving everything behind, something about having everything you think you’ll ever need, sitting in the seat next to you, as i watch another white dash, another white dash, another white dash, fly beside us” 

christmas

so its been awhile. ive been busy. i moved into my own apartment, and im loving it. ive been here about 3 weeks and i just finished unpacking everything about ten minutes ago, and its really exciting that everything is finally set up.

christmas was okay, i got a lot of stuff for my apartment, nothing too exciting. it could have been better, could have been worse. nothing to get excited about.  there was no big gift this year. i got some curtains, movies, and soap dish, toothbrush holder, and some gift cards for target and wawa. which have pretty much been spent. i plan on buying a new lamp and a memory card for my camera, for when denny and i go to florida. and so that covers that stuff. everyone left early and there wasnt many people there to begin with. oh well.

denny and i leave for florida on monday. i cannot wait.

let me know if you want to visit or need my address for anything. call me and come visit.

why is h the most popular letter?

so life goes on. im not sure when i posted last..oh well. work is good. i like how it is different every day.

i quit gymbo and friends. i really couldnt handle all that is going on in my life AND two jobs. I am moving into my new apartment on saturday and i cannot wait. once i get all settled in, i will post some pictures and even invite some folks over. lol. so yeah. the boys are back from lunch so ive got to go, but once my life settles down, ill get back to this.

work has been okay. i have off on thursdays now so i can go to maryland with my mom to see my grandfather…

dennis is okay. he comes out a lot. we broke up for like..a day, but we got backtogether not even 12 hours later…we went to a movie last night and out with friends last weekend. im going out this weekend for his birthday. im really happy with him, and im so glad that we worked things out.

christmas is fast approaching, and im really wanting to be out on my own, but it seems like my mom isnt ready to let go yet..and its nice that she loves me and doesnt want me to go, but i really need to be out on my own.  and it will only be for a short time..

the disney trip is soon, and im so excited because i havent been there in so long.  im excited to get away with dennis and without his family. its just me and him.

anyway, im kind of irritated right now. so i’ll do this later.

pickle flavored cookies.

so today was the zoo trip with the boys..and it was fun, i was paired up with this guy christian..and hes so nice and his twin brother walked around with us a lot too, so needless to say, i enjoyed the views today..hahaha. so they had never been to a zoo before, so it was really cute watching them. and they were so nice and so it turned out to be a good day.

i had to go to the dr. last night and theres a dr. there that looks like marcus, and i saw him, and i got completely nauseus. i was about to throw up, and then luckily discoverd that i wouldnt be seeing him…i told dennis and he really didnt know what to say..

anyway. so…thats life. zoo was fun. the twins were hot.and the students were good today.

 :) 

swirly cookies.

this week was hell getting through, but im glad its over.

i got the new annie lennox and the new matchbox 20..both super amazing. and im completely in love with both…especially annie lennox’s song,  “sing” about aids in women and children in south africa. its so epic to me. and shes got so many strong women singers on this track, and its just..epic. check it out please. if you care about me at all..go check this song out. it will change you.

my last day at barnes and nobles was..yesterday. and im so happy im done there. there was a bit of nostalgia today, but its over now. my last day was fun. i sampled stuff i wanted to try for a while, and i handed out free samples to customers.

then after, i went to harrisburg to see dennis and his mom cause it was her birthday..so i drank..a lot. and it was fun.

today, denny and i made cookies and just hung around the house enjoying eachothers company. i have never been so happy and laughed so much in such a long time. i love him so much. he is so good to me.

this afternoon after i left his house was kind of irritating cause i hate lancaster more than anything in the world. and anyway.

i was on myspace today checking out something, and i saw on a bulletin of a friend, “i have come to realize that i lost…a good friend who can contact me when she is ready” and i dont want to be self centered, and think its about me, cause it might not be, but if it is..and that person is reading this…my response to you is…

 please dont give up on our friendship. i havent, i just need time to figure my faith out and when i talk to you, i feel like i am being pushed. every conversation i have with you ends with us fighting about my faith, and i hate it. everyone in the world is pushing me to chose, and sometimes i just want a friend. thats it. i dont care what your beliefs are or anything, just as long as you care about me and you let me care about you. and that you accept me for what i am and what i chose to do, and let me do the same for you.  

i believe we will be okay in time, i just need you to stop pressuring me and let me be who i feel in my heart is right. i will be more…proper… if it helps. :\

thats pretty much it right now.. my lifes pretty boring..

al capone

so after i posted last night, i thought i should actually say what happened.

i got into a fight with dennis and was talking to a “friend” just because i was upset and needed someone to talk to. now anyone who knows me, would know that when im angry, or upset, just shut up and let me talk. i dont like being interupted when im pissed and it pisses me off more. and i dont like being told what to do, or how to handle it. i can do it on my own once im calm. if you know me, you know THAT. apparently some people dont. but oh well. so then that person pissed me off and i called dennis and we made up.

work was well..work today. usually i enjoy it but today i wanted to commit murder. its over though. tomorrow is a new day.

anyway, so saturday night dennis and i went over to the house of some people he knows from his church and we had a really good time. i love being with those people because they are so nice and genuine.

my grandfather is doing okay..i guess..he’s alive, which is something at least.  and i dont like dennis’s brothers right now. i feel like they are trying to push us apart. and it makes me really angry.

oh well. it will all work out, and i hope to be out on my own in a few weeks/month.

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